I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
