so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
