From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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