Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
