girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
