Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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