I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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