Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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