my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
