I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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