I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I color on your dick again?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
