so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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