there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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