nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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