I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
