My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
