Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
