How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
