I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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