i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
