Your face is a jimmy john
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
