She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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