Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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