No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
