I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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