So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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