You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
