I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
