so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
