8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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