I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
