I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
