If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
