i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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