I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In other news, I just burned my penis
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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