he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
