i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
false alarm, still single
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
