I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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