He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
