I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
