He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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