you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
