Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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