Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
