it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
