seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
