I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
