when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
