READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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