he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
