it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
