i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
