Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
