I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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