Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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