I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
