You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
