dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
