I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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