"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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