How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
